Why Consistency Beats Motivation Every Time

Most women you know are faking their confidence — and chances are, so are you. Let’s talk about it: self-confidence. Some women seem to have plenty, others feel like they have none at all, but most of us are just putting on a front. We’ve all learned to “fake it till you make it.” Sometimes it works. But most of the time, it just keeps us stuck. Other times, we fake it because we know that’s the only way to be taken seriously.

But what if there were a way to feel truly confident on a regular basis — without faking it?

Cultural Conditioning and Perfectionism

Unfortunately, a major reason women as a whole struggle with confidence is society itself. From an early age, we’re taught in countless ways that we are not enough. Women are held to a different standard, and even when we reach the same level of accomplishment as our male counterparts, we’re often not treated the same. Perfection is expected. We’re expected to be more than our male counterparts in the same role.

Even as a young girl, I remember hearing, “You do well for a girl.” Or when a boy threw poorly, someone would say, “You throw like a girl.” But why is that an insult? Throwing like a girl, running like a girl — those are positives as far as I can tell. But that’s not how it’s presented, and it’s not the first thought that comes to mind when you hear it.

It’s ingrained in us that we are not equal — that we have to work harder, be better, and prove ourselves in every space. And so we begin expecting ourselves to be perfect at everything we do.

It’s Not Your Fault

Ever wonder where your lack of confidence comes from? Here’s an interesting fact: part of it can be genetic, but a much larger part is learned.

Yes, there are certain genes that play a role in how confident you feel. For example, the COMT gene (often called the Warrior/Worrier gene) influences how your brain processes stress and motivation. One version is linked to higher anxiety and lower confidence, while the other is tied to resilience and decisiveness. There are also genes that affect serotonin, oxytocin, and even hundreds of tiny variations across your DNA that can nudge your confidence one way or the other.

But here’s the thing — genetics only explains about 6% of confidence differences between people. The other 94%? That comes from environment, culture, and learned habits.

And that’s where most of us get stuck. From an early age, women are taught — often without anyone saying it directly — that we have to be more. More polished. More perfect. More competent than the men around us just to be taken seriously.

And it doesn’t stop there — we’re also set up to compare ourselves against other women, as if confidence is a competition instead of something we could build together. Think about it: how many times have you felt like you had to be “the best” at something or else it didn’t count? How often have you measured yourself against what you see in other women, only to feel like you’ll never measure up?

These pressures aren’t natural flaws — they’re cultural conditioning. And the result is perfectionism, constant comparison, and the belief that no matter what we achieve, it’s never quite enough. No wonder confidence feels out of reach.